| Location | Tiverton |
| Age | 0 |
| Date of Birth | 5/2007 |
| Date of Death | 5/2007 |
| Visitors | 2,976 since 16/06/2007 |
| Creator |
Sidney Halsey
26th May 2007
Born at 24 weeks + 6 days
Sadly missed by his Mummy, Daddy and brother Stanley Aged 2 years
Our beautiful son,
Perfect in every way.
Ten tiny fingers, ten tiny toes,
a beautiful button nose.
Lips so soft, perfect to kiss.
A few of the things I will always miss.
Sidney was born at 0803am
Born Naturally at Derriford hospital
He was Breech
Sidney Weighed 1lb 5oz ( 610g )
He was 32cms Long
His head measured 22cm
The Story of Sidney.
24th May 2230
I contacted a midwife at my local Midwife Led maternity Unit after I bled on Thursday evening, she told me to go to bed and not to worry!
25th May 1500
I went to see my GP the next afternoon ( Friday) as I was worried, I had bled twice more that day. My GP sent me straight to the main maternity hospital in the next town, On arrival at 1630pm I was made to feel like I was wasting their time as they were VERY busy and it sounded like I had a water infection. they took a urine sample, settled me in a bed and told me it would be a while till the doctor could see me, I would then have an internal and be sent home. They suggested my husband (Adam) go home to deal with our 2year old as I was obviously ok, he could come back later to collect me.
After AWHILE ( 1930pm) A junior doctor finally appeared to examine me, I had started to feel uncomfortable but put that down to the bed. She explained that she was quite new but had done a few internals before. I agreed as I couldn't wait to go home, I really felt like I was wasting there precious time. The next thing I heard terrified me! The Doctor asked the midwife 'Is that the sack I can see?'. She then suggested that the senior doctor examine me as she wasn't sure what she was seeing. The Doctor and midwife left, The midwife returned to explain that the senior doc was busy and he had requested that the senior Midwife on labour ward examine me. So she left to go and find the senior Midwife, They then both appeared ( 2000pm by now) The senior midwife (Trish) examined me and then announced I was 4cm Dilated! I wasn't aware I was in labour, I had had a few minor braxton hicks but nothing out of the ordinary.
The next hour is a blur, Adam was called and told what was happening and told to get to the hospital now!
I had a succesion of doctors in the room - Obsterician and pediatrician and Neo natal staff, all who assumed that someone else had already told me something when they waded in. I discovered that they expected me to give birth that evening or within a day or two, that they would try to stop or slow the labour ( WHAT LABOUR??), that I would have steroid injections for lung maturity, that there were no neo natal cots availble in Exeter, I would be transfered to deriford in Plymouth, that Plymouth were the specalist for pre 26 weeks for the southwest.
I was in a panic, I had no idea if Adam knew I was being transferred?, If he was on his way yet?, who he had got to mind Stanley?
never mind that I was being told I was about to have a very premature baby!!!!
I turned on my mobile on one of the many occasions when I was left alone in the room, I called Adam and told him the jigsaw of information I knew - He was on his way! I called my mum in liverpool and asked her and my dad to make there way down.
Adam appeared in the room moments before the paramedics arrived to transfer me. Adam followed the ambulance Blue flashing lights and all to Plymouth.
I had started to have tightenings, Not regular and not painful but definately their by the time We arrived at Derriford hospital (2200). I was wheeled straight into a delivery suite and settled in. Baby's heartbeat was checked and was strong and clear ( nothing to worry about)I was scanned and baby was head down, We could see the cervix was open and the sack was protruding. Over the next few hours we had a few midwives take care of us( Amanda and alesha) and met the Neo natal consultant (Alex Allwood).
The Midwives were SO busy, they were in and out all night, Amanda had to attend to another lady so Alesha took over.
Saturday 26th May 2007
At 0000 I was given Morphine to make me more comfortable and help me sleep, my drip (to stop the contractions) also needed replacing it took Alesha aided by 4 other midwives 3 hours and two baxter pumps and finally a syringe pump to finally make the drip work again!
Alex spent an hour with us and explained EVERYTHING!
He went through all the stats for premature birth survival rates, what to expect in Neo natal, what to expect from a neo natal baby. What he would do and say in the event that they felt our baby was not responding. We had a very clear idea when he finished of what we could expect - without him this whole experience would have been so much worse.
At 0300am we finally tried to rest, Adam was given a small mattress on the floor to try to sleep. I woke at 0530 feeling really uncomfortable needing to wee. I could feel baby moving and suspected he had turned ( stanley had been breech). 0545 I called the midwife and was given a bed pan. Within minutes of releaving my bladder my contractions started proper! By 0630 I asked for gas and air as the pain was bad. Amanda had another lady labouring and had to split her time between us, We felt we were being left alone alot. just before 0700 the pain intensified and I was asking my husband for an epidural despite being needle phobic, then my waters broke in dramatic style. I was lying on my back I turned to my side cocked my leg slightly and sprayed fluids all over the bed and beyond, Adam said it was like turning on a pressure hose! The pain subsided for a few minutes during which Amanda announced she was leaving and Rachel was taking over! Rachel looked really young and was heavily pregnant herself. Adam left the room to call both sets of grandparents to make sure they were on there way to the hospital and to arrange for a friend to take stanley for he day. On his way back into the room he saw the neo natal staff arrive and park a crash trolley outside my room.
Just before 8am the neo natal staff entered the room, Rachel examined me and told me I was fully dilated, Alex allwood arrived just as I started to push. They held the doppler/sonicaid to by belly. We all heard baby's heartbeat loud and strong. Alex and Rachel told me to push, I heard rachel say baby is external. It took just 8 minutes to push baby out. Alex placed him in a plastic bag and moved him to the resus table. we could see all four try to resus him, We waited to hear him cry all the time I was asking what we had? The Neo natal nurse looked across and said BOY! We had been convinced he would be a girl we hadn't decided on a boys name, I looked at Adam and said Sid? Then Alex turned to us and said 'he is not responding, he has not had a heartbeat, I think we should stop'
I have never felt pain like it, I felt my heart break.
My tiny precious boy was wrapped and placed in my arms, We cuddled him, and kissed him and drenched him with our tears.
The neo natal staff all stopped to tell us how sorry they were, they all had tears in their eyes. Rachel was crying and Alex stayed with us for ages just letting us cry and question and as much as he could explain what had happened.
After a while I was offered a bath, during which we were moved to a quiet room with a bed and a sofa and tea and coffee making facilities it had a private bathroom. We were left with Sidney. Rachel took his hand and foot prints, Alex arranged for digital camera so we could take photos of Sidney. Rachel then helped us pick out some clothes, we then Bathed and dressed Sidney. Rachel had given us a tiny moses basket for him to lie in.
Once our parents arrived Rachel and Alex both offered to tell them but we chose to tell them ourselves. Rachel arranged for them to be taken to a day room when they arrived so we could tell them in private once we were ready. We left Sidney in the quiet room when we went to share our terrible news, we then invited both sets of grandparents back to the quiet room to meet Sidney and spend some time with him.
Odd as it may seem, we had a lovely afternoon together with Sidney. It broke my heart all over again when the undertaker arrived at 1630 to take him to the Chapel of rest in Tiverton.
It was and will probably remain the single hardest day of my life, Beacuse of the people around us it was made bearable and has given us some very special and precious memories.
Thank you to
Alex Allwood, Rachel Matthews @ Derriford Hospital
David Eccles @ Cross and Beale
Rev Tony Huxtable @ the Methodist Church
Dr Simon @ castle place and Sandy Pennell @ the maternity unit, Tiverton
Both sets of parents - Pauline & Colin McGunigle
Lin Halsey & Jill Adams
To Sarah, Jackie, Tracy, Becky, Kate - I'd be lost without you all!
and All our wonderful friends.
Sidney's funeral was held at Tiverton Methodist church on Friday 1st June 2007. It was attended by our friends and Family.
As I sit here feeding your beautiful baby sister on your birthday I'm reminded of everything we lost. We lost you my tiny little boy. People seem to think having Winnie lessens the hurt somehow, she doesn't. She is a blessing from heaven, she lights up our world and she is the biggest reminder of you, for if we had never lost you we would not have her. She is a gift from you in heaven. For every happiness she brings me, for every smile I'm reminded I never saw yours.
Have fun today baby boy. Happy birthday Sidney.
Love and miss you every day.
Love Mummy
Xxxx
Hi Sidney,
Thinking of you today.
Sad that we missed another Christmas with you.Stanley has been talking about you alot lately & I think he has been dreaming about you too.
I wish I didn't have to just talk about you but that you were here to play with each other.
Mummy is organising a fund raiser this year in your name to not only make some money for SANDS but to make sure everyone always remembers you,our tiny angel........
Love Daddy
Thankyou
Hi, I just wanted to say thank you for the article in Womans Own. I lost my baby boy at 19 weeks gestation. I came to this site after reading your story and have now added my own memorial. I read your poem 'Ask my Mum how she is' 29.10.07 and think how true that is for me.
I know its something we will never understand but knowing other people in a similar situation, even if its just on here and you never get to meet them, is something of a comfort.
God bless you all xxx
A party in Heaven
I have copied this from a friend, A beautiful thing written by another angel mummy. Thank you, you made me smile today. xxx
Wow Can you hear the noise from miles away, the laughs and the happiness, the cheers, the hip hip hooray's and the songs being sung.
I open the door to Hey there delilah coming from the angel jukebox in the corner. I can see all of these little angels and big angels all in fancy dress.
I scour the room and see Princess Ella in her gorgeous party dress and Rachel as Jess from Toy Story 2, Bert as spongebob Squarepants, Ethan as winnie the pooh, Princess Honey and Princess Aysha with their tiaras, Taylor in her snow white costume (with muddy knees... someone has been making mud pies.....), My little cousin Andrew as a footballer in his Celtic outfit, helping the little ones dance.
Then I look round and see little Lily Valentine as a fairy with her winge all fresh and sparkly, and Caelum as a wonderful llittle frog hopping up and down, Little Sam is dressed in a very cute squidward outfit, he makes it look very cute indeed! I can here Pow Pow from the middle of the room and See Andrew as a Power ranger pretending to fight, and a butterfly flapping around, I realise it's Sapphire, all pink and beautiful in her outfit. I see tiny little Nathan in a peter pan outfit, Matthew playing football with my Andrew but in his Doncaster Rovers shirt.
I see this little boy chasing the girls in their butterly and princess outfits and I realise by seeing his gorgeous little eyes through his spiderman costume that this is indeed Bradley, I see him turn and chase Lucy in her Dorothy outfit, with her special red slippers. I look and see alittle rosey cheeked princess dressed as Belle, holding a soft red rose, and I know this is Erin Jane, I also see a little mermaid lying n the ground surrounded by two other little angels, one with butterfly wings and the other dressed as action man, they are giggling so loud, I think wow Claire has some beautiful angels in Ellie, Grace and Ryan!
I can see this little man, who is just so beautiful, and he's dressed up as piglet, now I know this is Ronan and his big smile gives it away! I see Bradley chase his next little girl, and realise it's Jessie in her star costume hand mde by her mummy, she's a gorgeous girlie too!
I look around and this room is so full of gorgeous angels but instead of breaking my heart I realise I am smiling. I feel someone touch my hand, and it's Bob the Builder, he takes my hand and pulls me into the room, I say thank you William, he smiles and runs to bang his hammer. I also hear 2 little angels scream and realise that Eve in her sleeping beauty outfit and Abbi in her cinderella outfits have been scared by a little Sidney spider, all black and green, he giggles so loud... and Eve smiles when she realises it's her friend.
There are lots of other angels in here and I see all of them circling round, I know who they are circling round, as I draw closer I see my gorgeous handsome little man dressed as tigger, with chocolate all over his face. I think to myself, I said not too much, but his gooey smiles say he's happy and that's all I need to know.
I whisper gently, I'll release you're balloons tomorrow as you've got too many toys today, he smiles and I feel I have to go, I can't invade this party full of fun anymore....
I simply say, happy birthday my perfect prince, I'll like you forever, I'll love you for always, as long as I'm living my baby you'll be...
Before the crowds of angels break into 'Happy Birthday', I shut the door, with a huge smile on my face.
An Angel
I wanted to share with you a poem mummy's friend Tracy gave us today:
May you always have an Angel by your side
May you always have an angel by your side,
Watching out for you in all the things you do,
Reminding you to keep believing in brighter days,
Finding ways for your wishes and dreams to come true,
Giving hope that is certain as the sun,
Giving you the strength of serenity as your guide,
May you always have love and comfort and courage,
May you always have an angel by your side,
Someone there to catch you if you fall,
Encouraging your dreams,
Inspiring your happiness,
Holding your hand and helping you though it all.
In all of our days, or lives are always changing,
Tears come along as well as smiles,
Along the roads you travel,
may the miles be a thousand more lovely than lonely,
May they give you gifts that never end:
Someone wonderful to love and a dear friend in wom you can confide,
May you have rainbows after every storm,
May you have hopes to keep you safe and warm,
And may you always have an Angel by your side.
It's the the day before your birthday & I still feel you should never have been taken from us, that here was the best place for you. But now you are gone I believe you are our Angel looking after Mummy, Stanley & me...........
But I still miss you & always will
Daddy x
Ask My Mum How Is She
This is an absolutely beautiful poem
-x-
My Mum, she tells a lot of lies
She never did before.
From now until the day she dies.
She'll tell a whole lot more.
She used to tell the truth, a lot
But now it doesn't matter.
I died and went to heaven,
Her life is all a-shatter.
Ask my Mum how is she.
She'll say, 'Yes, I'm fine!'
She wants to beg 'Please help me.
I can't find that boy of mine!'
Ask my Mum, how is she,
She'll say, 'I'm alright.'
If that's the truth then tell me,
Why does she cry each night?
Ask my Mum, how is she,
She seems to cope so well.
She didn't have a choice, you see,
Nor the strength to yell.
You think you know the feeling,
But this cannot be.
For even though you loved me,
You didn't love as much as she.
She will smile and tell you,
'It's o.k. God has a plan.'
But she will turn away and cry
'Cause she just can't understand.
Tell a joke and she will laugh,
But she is not o.k.
She wants to share the joke with me,
But it will not be today.
I watch from here, in Heaven.
Her distress disturbs my peace.
Will someone please take care of her,
And thus take care of me?
'Some day you will feel better.'
'Yes I will.' she lies.
She knows this will not happen,
Until the day she dies.
Ask my Mum how is she,
She'll say, 'Thank you. Good.'
She cannot tell you how she feels.
Oh, how I wish she could.
Ask my Mum how is she,
'I'm fine, I'm well, I'm coping.'
For God's sake, Mum, just tell the truth
Just say your heart is broken.
Ask my Mum how is she,
'I'm well, I'm good. And you?'
I'll shake my head in Heaven.
It simply isn't true.
She'll love me all her life.
I loved her all of mine.
But if you ask how is she,
She'll lie and say she's fine.
Her carnival is over.
She's stepped off the carousel.
But, to save you feeling badly,
She'll say, 'Thanks, all is well.'
My Mum, she's not gone mad, yet.
But, oh so very nearly.
Don't ask my Mum how is she,
Ask how is she, really.
I am here in Heaven.
I cannot hug from here.
If she lies to you, don't listen.
Hug her, hold her near.
On the day we meet again,
We'll smile and I'll be bold.
I'll say, 'You're lucky to get in here, Mum,
With all the lies you told!'
thoughts are always with you and your family
Bless you all - it's such a heart rending feeling I get every time I think of your beautiful baby Sidney. He was lucky to have had you as parents, and although he wasn't allowed to stay with us, he will forever be in our thoughts. Love to you all. I'm here whenever you need someone. x
Beautiful Baby
He was and still is such a beautiful baby boy. Perfect in every way. Be gentle with yourselves x
Using the options below you can add this memorial to your personal garden.
| I am Sidney's ... | |
| Add to Garden: | |
| Notifications: | Text Message |
There have been 80 candles lit for Sidney.
